Sometimes I wish you had just fucking died,

Before that day I didn’t even know you could cry.

I wiped the tears from my eyes,

I just wish they had lied,

Said, “No, she’s not going to be fine.”

I didn’t understand how you could want to die

And now why isn’t anybody else tired?

Why isn’t anyone else fired up?

Didn’t they hear my cries?

Didn’t they wonder why

I couldn’t sleep in the fire,

Every year this date goes by, expires,

Who else is mourning by my side?

 

I know it every goddamn day,

Every morning that I wake,

I regret—but still, I have to

Live with all your damn mistakes.

I have to take it.

I can’t complain.

I can’t make any of my own.

I just can’t break

I won’t be drowning in that lake,

 

I had it made but I was just a kid,

Just a goddamn kid

And happy like you wouldn’t believe,

I DREAMED!

And then you screwed me over,

Then you took me sober.

You were the dark streak,

The bad week,

You were their twistable balloon,

And now you croon about what’s fair

Like I never had to take your place,

SIX DAYS!

SIX DAYS I had to grasp the fact

You were coming back,

Bringing all your damn glory with you

“She made it.”

“Someday the pain will fade.”

Fat chance,

That’s not a very nice charade.

 

This life, I hope it comes without

Regrets or sighs or madness.

This year I’m going to figure out

My guilt and tears and sadness.

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