I’m not going to lie.

The future TERRIFIES me. My hands shake when I even THINK about it, because I know that someday we’re NOT going to be kids anymore, and we’re going to have to fend for ourselves, and no matter how ‘independent’ we think we are right now, it is NOTHING compared to what we will go through in the years to come, the decades to come.

They always teach us that life is a fairytale, and that everything works out in the end, but I’ve seen the screw-ups that prove otherwise.

It’s dead scary. And we have to go through it. And it doesn’t get easier, no matter what they tell you. It just doesn’t.

You would probably laugh at how scary it seems to me, but it’s just so unreal that we’re OLD and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with that. It only gets harder from here.

I just keep thinking about next year.

I’ve been having nightmares.

My parents almost pulled me out of that math program because they were worried about me starting my day at the high school next year, but I talked them out of it. It’s a great opportunity, but it scares the shit out of me.

What if Chris and Garret and Taylor’s parents really DID pull them out? What if I’m all alone? What if I get lost? What if they leave me behind and become the Three Musketeers and fend for themselves without me?

I’m the only girl. They don’t care about me, all they care about is themselves, and each other. I’m just some stupid nobody who’s along for the ride.

Am I just supposed to walk into the class? What do I do while they’re still in ‘homeroom’ (their’s is just long enough for announcements, they have no extended period)? Should I go on 9th grader orientation day? That’s the day that nineth graders are the only ones in the school, so they can find their way around without upperclassmen there. What am I supposed to have (supply-wise)?

What happens on the day that middle-schoolers don’t have school, and high schoolers do? There’s one day like that next year. What about when we have weird schedules? How am I supposed to know where to go? w am I going to get Middle School Announcements? How will I be able to catch up in Chorus? What about days that we have assemblies? Ben, the guinea pig for the project this year, said he waited in the Hgh school office for an hour and a half the day the middle school was there to watch the high school musical. What about attendence? Will the middle school mark that I’m absent, and the high school mark me present? What about grading? Will I get 2 report cards? Will it be on Infinite Campus? What if I miss a test? How will I make it up, if there’s no time in class?  Will the other three guys tell me what I missed when I’m absent? Will they care? What about the end of the year, when eighth grade goes to Wisehaven? Will we have time enough to make up the things we miss before school ends. What do I do if I can’t make up tests or other things in homeroom? Will teachers be more lenient, or will they not care?

What about my stuff? Will I have to carry my Algebra 2 book around with me EVERY day? Will they let us have lockers (highly unlikely)? Will I have to take my backpack to class everyday? Not to mention a heavy jacket in the winter….what am I supposed to do with that stuff???!!!

Why won’t Mrs. Campbell answer these questions? Why does nobody care that I have no idea what’s going on? Why doesn’t anyone understand that I can’t just go blindly into this?

Everybody keeps telling me that it’s only June, they’ll tell us everything when school starts–I AM GOING CRAZY HERE!!!!!!!!!! IT’LL BE TOO LATE THEN, I’LL ALREADY BE IN A MENTAL ASYLUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE???????????

GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

This is horrible. Why is everything always about me? I’m such a selfish person!

How are you???????

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